Thursday, December 30, 2004

iGrind

This is iMonkey's first post after a long time. So it looked like he was going to be put to the grind! At first there were four people doing the same job. Then one of the team began having a long illness. He didn't come around for two weeks. Previously he'd told iMonkey that he was going to apply for another job, a higher-paid one, and iMonkey did some research and found a job with a description that fitted the other monkey's description. They were only two in the team, doing the work of four people. It began to become quite stressful and iMonkey was beginning to build up resentful feelings against the monkey that had let them down - up to the point where, one morning iMonkey thought he'd spotted that other monkey sitting in front of him in the bus. When other monkey got up and left the bus in the town centre, iMonkey chased after him. He crossed the street and finally apprehended other monkey in front of the cashmashine, only that it wasn't him.
Other monkey returned to work after two weeks. After a while he kind of let on that he had had some haemorrhoids that he'd got sewn back into his ass with rubber bands. He stayed for one and a half days before going into three weeks of christmas holidays.
So there were two people left, again. Then came Christmas. The lines "needed" to be kept open, and with more illnesses and holidays to come, after a while there was only this poor monkey left. He even took on customer service, which means he ended up doing the entire [insert iMonkeys language] product hotline for three major european countries for a while.

This got iMonkey a bit pissed off so he decided to sleep in one day. In effect he was just two hours late, and it would have been fine, but things kind of kept happening in the way that he came late the other four days, too. "Ooh" said the grey alphaRat, "I will have to put you down for a counseling session and also I will have to dig out my late-letter." He didn't put the counseling session because he and iMonkey both know that iMonkey knows that they both know the score, so there's no use for the fancy bullshit front on some fascist company policies. So he just printed off his late doc and iMonkey had to sign a letter that said
_____________________________________________________________

Dear iMonkey

Last week you were late for your shift on at least four occasions. This is unacceptable as it means we may be unable to meet our commitments to our client and it is unfair that your coleagues have to cover for you.

Further to our discussion regarding this matter, you must not be more than 3 minutes late in the following four weeks. Failure to meet this target may result in further disciplinary action.

I am confident that you will be able to meet this target. If for any reason you feel you may not be able to meet this target, please raise this with yself in advance, or if you are unable to do this, ensure that you report this on the absence line one hour prior to the comencement of your shift.

Grey AlphaRat

[Attached absence line reporting card]
_____________________________________________________________

He signed it, adding "Merry Christmas" next to the signature.
Now I hope most people would understand the pointlessness of such a punishment. If a person had serious timekeeping problems, this would put huge extra stress on them. Or maybe that's the whole point, to get rid of less disciplined people in the quickest way. Anyway surely for such a person that would mean rushed shaves, runs to the bus, gulped-down unhealthy breakfasts, and a lot internal commuter panic. It's inhuman. Whoever thought up that rule is a cunt, such as everyone adopting it (including the grey alphaRat). They should most certainly die in a painful way, lousy fascist cunts.