Thursday, November 18, 2004

you pay iPeanuts, you get iMonkeys

Right now iMonkey is too tired and too stoned to think. iMonkey is not at work right now (although he is also stoned there quite often, which probably raises the level of customer service) - he has sworn to only use company time on this blog, but it seems the blog turns out to be useful and it needs updating. Useful in tracing a timeline of adaption and doublethink as well as keeping track of things while they work you till you drop.
I am currently in a very small team handling a call and email volume of about 50-100 per person per week. this workload is due to the fact we had many leavers without replacement. Too much work (even though I manage to get the odd power nap, sitting in front of the monitor) and not good when there are spikes in the call volume. Also we need to alternate to take breaks or training. Mind you, we're trying to do technical support here.
Anyway for todays juicy morsel I have a little followup that just occurred to me reading this blog. Recently our client's customer satisfaction surveys began to show that customers were overall satisfied but very unhappy with the time it took to deal with the issue. They made a fuss and everybody received reminder emails of the agent policies and procedures that we have to follow (or "follow from now on"). Then everybody had to go to stupid meetings where the procedures were communicated again, verbally. And now they will do "Time and Motion Studies". Surely the extra work will help things go faster. (But in someone's twisted mind it does...)
Actually the spike in customer wait time dissatisfaction occurred when iMonkey was in his holidays and all his cases just lay untouched in its inbox for a week - although iMonkey had duly done its duty and informed the boss bunnies about the looming answertime delay. What had he done wrong?
I met Boss Bunny a couple days later in the cafeteria and asked him what he was doing all the time. all i ever see him do is sit in front of his computer and do his spreadsheets, when he's there, and does rarely speak if not spoken to (and even then sometimes...). he said he had lots of reports to do, and also to go to meetings. He said he would actually like to go around the desks, see how everyone is doing, to "work the floor" as he put it. And he had actually set himself an Outlook reminder for every morning at 10 o' clock to go and "work the floor" but he never did it. He must be very, very busy indeed. When iMonkey couldn't find the outbox the boss bunny told him to give him the CD with the important update that was to be mailed to the customer, and he would post it. A week later the customer rang again to ask where his CD was. I asked boss bunny if I should make a new CD and he said "no,no, escalate the case to level 2, they will deal with it." the level 2 sitting next to me later gave me the cd and said "better mail it yourself this time." he's a cool guy, the one with the steely cold determination to hold the customer down. Recently he went into holidays, and I asked him: "Who will deal with all the SuckerGraphx callers now?" He said: "Just work 'em right, be hard and relentless, keep 'em down" took his coat and vanished. Despite our recent workload he has found much time for a couple of things, until iMonkey started firing the Sucker customers over to him that is. We then play good cop/bad cop with them i.e. I promise them we will do everything to satisfy them, then pass them over to him who tells them they can't use a computer and it is all their fault. Has worked so far. Soon we will be getting some new starts which will keep things interesting.
I'll take them around the office and introduce them to the whole team because otherwise no one will do it, and they won't know the people they see on a daily basis. This is probably pretty normal for an office though.